Puck's Crippling Depression
by tanyakapler
Summary: Puck's POV from Season 2, what is going through his mind during every Episode.  How he feels towards Quinn and the rest of the stuff around him.  This is just my opinion.  I don't own Glee, but I miss Puck and Quinn and I think Puck misses her.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I am writing for what I think is going through his head...I am currently working on the next episode Brittany/britney and I will try to post as soon as possible...please leave reviews...maybe thoughts of what you think was going through his head during this episode. Love your readers.**

Puck sat in his truck trying to just get enough energy to get out. Hit had bee a long, tough summer. With Quinn, cutting him out of her life after school ended, he focused his summer on his pool cleaning business and those cougars. It was hard letting Quinn go. She wanted her life back that she had before Beth, before him. After everything he had put her through, he knew it was the best thing to do.

Stepping out of his truck, Puck takes in his surroundings. He begins in junior year...alone, lost, not really sure how it was going to be to see her again. How it was going to be to see any of them again. Finn had spent the entire summer with Rachel. There was a few night that he cam over to play video games, but he could tell there was still tension between them. Mike was away at Asian camp with Tina and didn't real from him at all. Well there was this one text about kissing Tina. Puck remembers smirking as he read it. There might have bee a few times where Santana called for some loving. He obliged to her needs, might as well take care of his too.

School seemed like a blur. First day back and everything he was trying to push away was surfaced. Jacob Ben-Israel and his stupid interview with every glee member. Why did he have to bring up the fact that Puck wasn't over Quinn? He had been trying all summer to get over her. Over giving up Beth, over the fact he told Quinn that he loved her and didn't get anything in return. He wanted to punch Jacob for bringing it up, instead he ignored it, pushing the camera out of his face.

He sits in Glee Club later that afternoon, trying to listen to what Mr. Schue is saying about no one wanting to join. He wasn't sure what else he was saying. He was not sure he really cared right now. He looks to his right ans see her sitting on the far side of Finn. She is wearing a white dress, hair pulled out of her face with barrettes, yellow one. Curling cascading(wow did he actually think that word) down her face. Ballet flats on her feet. He had forgotten just how truly beautiful she was.

Mr. Schue wanted them to find new members, because of Matt's transferred. Being in Glee Club was hard enough, trying to find people ot join that was going to be hard, even Puck knew that. Hell the only reason he joined was to be closer to Quinn. Along the way it just became fun. He would never admit it out loud.

Puck tries to focus on what's taking place in front of him. Will mention something about Nationals being in New York this year. Sounded cool. He said that they were going to show the student body just how much fun Glee Club really was by performing tomorrow. Puck figures there was only one song that could really fit.

* * *

Busting it out in the courtyard was great, but the response was horrible. No one even cared about their performance. Yep, Glee Club truly still sucked according to the school. Finn had told him that Rachel and him were going to try and put up sign up sheet around the school. He knew it was going to work. The school thought they were jokes. Could anyone blame them. They did just place last in Regionals only months ago.

Not only was he struggling with Glee Club, but no he had to worry about football and a new coach. Boy, was she tough. She didn't buy pizza though, that was cool, well after she cut everyone from the team. After four slices of pizza and then wind sprints, he was positive he was going to puke. But he didn't and got his spot back on the team.

* * *

Puck, Finn, Artie, and Mike are sitting in the choir room the next day, talking to the new kid about joining Glee Club. _Dude looked too pretty and his mouth was huge_. Puck thinks to himself. It was hard for Puck not to stare at his huge mouth while he talked.

"My name is Sam Evans. I like comic books, sports. I'm dyslectic, so my grades aren't that good, but I'm working on it," Sam informs the guys.

"Dude, your mouth is huge," Puck expresses. "How many tennis balls can you fit in there?" He continues to stare in awe.

"I...don't know. I've never had any balls in my mouth," Sam says, before leading a little forward. "Have you?"

Puck smiles. He likes this kid. No afraid of anything. He could sing too. Killing Travis McCoy's _Billionaire, _he was a perfect addition to the Glee Club. Puck was happy that Sam had agreed to come back to show the club. He also heard through the grapevine that Rachel had found someone to come addition too. So maybe everything was going to be okay with the club, with this year. He still really hadn't talked to Quinn thought. Third day back to school and the only time he saw her was during Glee rehearsals. He had to do something. After everything they've been through, she had to fell something for him. He couldn't think of her right now. Football practice had been physically draining and adding Quinn to all that would make him nonfunctional.

He was making small talk with Sam when they entered the lock room that afternoon. Hew as surprised to fin his coach in tears. She said that it was because of their football states, but he was sure that there was something more to it. Cause she exploded on Finn, when he tried to get Artie on the team.

"Hey, Coach...this is Artie. He would like to try out for the team," Finn explains wheeling his friend into the locker room.

"You screwing with me?" Coach expresses hurt.

"NO, no...absolutely not," Finn defends. "We frigure that if I push him down the field fast enough the..." he points at Artie for the right word.

"Centrifugal force," Artie answers.

"You're out!"

Find looks confused, "Wait, what...wh..what?"

"You're off the team. CUT! OUT!" she explains even more upset. "You com in here, pushing a kid in a wheelchair, making me look like some kind of monster cause I have to tell him he can't play."

"No, that's not what was going on," Finn begins to explain.

Puck watches the scene get out of hand. Something was going on with the coach. Finn did get out of line calling her "DUDE!", but still hew as only trying to help Artie.

Did Puck hear right? She was back on the squad. He heard it the next morning as he entered the school. And what he saw happen next between many heads of students, Santana didn't like it that Quinn was back on top. He watched the girls exchange shoves and words.

"You did this to me. You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery," Santana screams.

"You have a surgery when you get your appendix out. You got. A. Boob. Job." Puck watches her through back.

"Yeap, sure did!" Santana expresses slapping Quinn across the face.

He wanted to do something but he knew she could handle herself.

"You can't hit me!" she yells back.

"Well, sure I can." Santana throws her sassy words back. "Unless you got yourself knocked up again! SLUT!"

Puck hated that about himself. He hated that he had destroyed her rep. That it was always going to be apart of her. He watched as they exchanged shoves, watched Mr. Schue split them up. Santana yelled something. He wasn't sure. He needed to leave. Looking at Quinn in that Cheerios uniform was too much. It brought back too many memories that he didn't want to deal with. Even thought he had too. It had to be today before she gets too far gone. Summer had already took three months from them. That Cheerios uniform and her popularity wasn't gong to let him back in.

Later that day as he leans against the piano, waiting for new people to join Glee Club, he kept taking glances at her. No one showed up, which was kind of surprising, cause Puck was sure that Sam was going to be there. Sam had told the guys that he was. Everyone started to leave the choir room and Puck finds Quinn walking next to him. Now was his chance.

"You fell better being back in the uniform?" he questions.

She nods, "Yeah."

He wasn't really sure what to day. He was hoping for more fromher.

"Quinn," he was going out on a limb.

She stops next to her locker, "Listen, I know you've been distanct this summer, but..." she hesitated. "You scare me." Puck smiles. "And there was so much I need to deal with on my own." Puck nods. "But I really like you.

Puck's smile, turns into a smirk. This was his opening, but he wasn't sure what to say or do. "Quinn, you already know how I feel about you. So.." He know that she will never be as physical as she was with him the first time, but she has to know that he had needs and being with him meant that they had to be taken care of. "So I was maybe thinking that we could try again." Quinn smiles, but it disappears as he goes on, cause he knew that this year was about her. But everything had to be laid down. "Just let me get to third base a could time a week."

And there was the Puck that scared her that she knew, that she didn't want back. Sex, it's what got them in trouble in the first time, she could let it happen again. He watches as she shakes her head and leaves him alone at her locker. He sighs leaning up against the lockers. He was trying to be honest and she still shot him down. He was hoping that it wasn't going to be like this all year. HE didn't know if he could take it.

Rachel Berry is a manipulative bitch. She sent a potential member of the club to a crack house. She was scared of Sunshine's talent, afraid that the new girl was going to steal her spotlight, but what she didn't understand was that they need Sunshine to be complete. Sam had chickened out according to Finn. Mr. Schue told Rachel to fix her mistake and that's what led them to the auditorium that afternoon. Quinn was so close to him, but he didn't say anything. Her presence was enough right now. It was all he had, cause he knew that she was slipping away.

Sunshine sang beautifully. He kinda knew why Rachel was so scared. Her voice was amazing. But they only had her for a short period of time. She transferred to Carmel High to be part of Vocal Adrenaline. Sue got made at Will and told the new coach of the club about Sunshine, and the rest was history. Puck and the club were extremely upset with Rachel for putting Sunshine through the crack house ordeal. They knew that if it didn't happen, Sunshine would have probably stayed.

First week of school was difficult not just on him physically but emotionally. He was pretty sure that Quinn was gone for good, but he was sure that she missed him just as much as he missed her. If not, at least they both were trying to deal with Beth. And Beth was the connection to Quinn that he would always have.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: This was actually really hard and I don't know why. I don't want to make Puck out to be a sappy love struck teenager but I think that he does actually have a lot of things going on. Thanks for to all of you who are reading this. I hope you like this one. Starting on GRILLED CHEESUS now and hope to have it up by tomorrow. I DON'T OWN GLEE!**

Christopher Cross, was Mr. Schue serious. No one cared who the heck he was. But he keeps talking about this person writing a song and Finn commented on something that had to do with the lyrics. Puck couldn't concentrate. There was just too many things going through his head right now. He was so glad that he was sitting in the back.

Puck sighs as he takes the sheet music of the dude Mr. Schue was just talking about. All these songs he chose really make Puck wish that their teacher would listen to some of their ideas. He chuckles at Finn's comment about New York and the moon. Not the brightest bulb in the box.

Kurt is talking, sometimes he wishes that he wouldn't but Lady man was right, the kids were sick of singing adult contemporary music. Puck continues to look at his sheet music as Kurt goes on the say that he thinks that the New Directions should perform Britney Spears at the Fall Homecoming Assembly. She was pretty hot! The Glee Club seem excited about it. Puck could tell by Mr. Schue's fast that he wasn't and for some reason Brittany didn't want to either.

"Why no Britney, Brittany?" Kurt asks.

"Because my name is also Britney Spears," she answers, sending confusion through the group.

Puck rolls his eyes, waiting for this crazy girl to explain.

"Wh..what?" Will questions all lost.

"What the hell is she talking about?" Mercedes asks the group.

"My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany. S. Pierce. That's Britney Spears." Puck watches Quinn look at her still confused. "I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears shadow. I will never be as talented or famous. I hope y'all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place, where I, Brittany. S. Pierce can escape the torment of Britney Spears."

Puck looks around the room at his fellow confused Glee Clubbers. Only something like that can come from Brittany. She was a special person. He listens as Mr. Schue says there will be no Britney only have Kurt pissed off at their Brittany. It was kinda hot watching Santana stick up from her friend. Especially since he knew exactly why. He had witness first hand how close Santana and Brittany were. He quickly had to think of something else, cause this was something that he shouldn't be thinking about during school.

Puck spent the rest of his day trying to just make through the day. He hadn't talked to Quinn since the day in the hall when she basically turned him down. He really wanted to try again. He knew the longer he stayed away from her the harder it would be to get her back.

Finn looked pissed today as he entered the choir room. Puck had heard that Amizio and Karofsky had tore up his letterman jacket. Assholes. He was hoping to try to get seat next to her today, but Brittany and Kurt already had those seats. He just took the seat the seat on the other side of Kurt.

Why was there a dentist in class today? Look at all the girls, smiling at him, like some piece of meat. Puck had to smile at himself. That's the way most of the girls looked at him when he walked down the hall. Puck chuckled to himself as Santana told the dentist that he could drill her any time. Ms. Pillsbury didn't look happy about that. He could tell that Mr. Schue really didn't like this Carl guy. He knew it had to do with the fact that Carl was with Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue still had feels for her. Boy, did he have so much in common with his teacher.

This stupid little pills are nasty. Supposable to turn your teeth blue if you missed any plaque. Well, Puck knew that his teeth were fine. Spending huge amounts of time making out with chicks and you had to make sure you had good oral hygiene if you wanted any of them to come back. He smiles showing off his pearly white. Boy, did Quinn look beautiful. She hadn't smiled that smile since the day the both of them stood looking through the glass at their daughter and he told her that he loved her.

Puck hears Finn shriek almost. He turns around to see Rachel's teeth extremely blue. Puck laughed at how upset she was.

"I don't understand, I floss between classes!" she exclaims covering her mouth in embarrassment.

"Well, sometimes it's genetics," Carl explains.

"I think I might be better at brushing and flossing, if I could see myself in the mirror," Artie explains.

"There you go, Blue Tooth," Santana says, making a few of the chuckle.

"I don't brush my teeth," Brittany comments.

Puck chuckles to himself listening to the rest of conversation. Brittany wasn't the brightest, but that's what made everyone love her. She was always good to have around for a good laugh. He never remembered Brittany having that bad of breathe, maybe he didn't notice cause of the fact that she was naked. Okay, he definitely had to stop. This was not the way he was suppose to be thinking of his friends, especially friends of the girl that he so desperately wanted back in his life.

Later that evening he sat in his room thinking about her, about Beth, about what would have happened if Quinn would have listened to him and let them keep her. He wondered if his mom would have let her stay here. Probably not, she wasn't the happiest when she moved in after getting kicked out of Finn's house. His mom so wanted him to be with a Jewish girl and she wasn't happy when he showed up that night we her bags in his hand and Quinn trailing behind him. Poor Quinn had to live with his crazy ass Jewish mother always trying to dictate what she ate. No wonder she was so happy when Mercedes had saved her. He missed her the first night she was gone, but he called her right before she went to bed and as soon as he got up. He wish he could do that now.

Finn had talked to him that morning about football. Puck was kinda bummed that his best friend wasn't on the team with him. He knew that if Finn was there it would give them more time to kinda rebuild their friendship. He could tell that Finn really wanted back on the team and he agreed that the coach was kinda being unfair for kicking him off. He was just trying to help Artie. Poor Artie had been a mess since finding out about Tina and Mike. He thought that joining the football team was going to help him get her back.

Later that day in Glee Club, Mr. Schue was continuing on with his rant about the Christopher Cross guy. Didn't he realize that no one cared. But what happened next none of them saw coming. Whether it was Brittany saying that she was more talented than anyone else in the club because of her Britney Spears fantasy. Or the fact that Kurt freaked out on Mr. Schue, because their teacher wasn't going to let them perform Britney. Puck had never saw anyone talk to their teacher like that and was not surprised when Mr. Schue told him that he would meet him in the Principals office.

What the hell was Rachel Berry wearing today? She had turn more heads than anyone he had today. Why didn't she wear stuff like that when they date for the short week. Finn doesn't look too happy about it Puck notices as he makes his way to class. Puck laughs at himself. He didn't even know why he was going to class. Yes he did, she was going to be there. It was the only class that he looked forward too. Quinn had changed everything about him. Though he wouldn't let anyone know, she had turned him into a wuss, pussy. She probably didn't even know how much he had changed for her. Part of him didn't want to show her how vulnerable he was right now.

Puck noticed that Finn looked her nervous in Glee Club, and that he had to do with Rachel's new Britney Spear's inspired look. She was showing off more than she usually did. He had to laugh at Artie's enthusiasm towards Rachel's new look. Mr. Schue didn't know what to think. Puck could tell he was at a lost for words or maybe it was because Coach Sylvester came in before he could say anything.

Another day had past and he still hadn't talked to her. Why was it so hard for him. They had had a baby together. They had lived together. And he couldn't even go up to her and tell her what he was feeling. He really was turning into this guy that he did like. A guy that was not PUCKZILLA. He sighs deeply as he tries to sleep, tries to figure out a way to tell her how he feel.

"I was pretty sure Artie's legs don't work," Quinn expresses after Artie explains that he is on the football team.

"Did you get a leg transplant?" Brittany questions.

Puck chuckles just a little. Her brain was funny.

"Nope, my teammates can push my chair like a battering ram," Artie explains.

"Yeap," Finn adds. "There's no rules against it. We checked."

"And I have Britney Spears to thank," Artie informs.

What was up with this club and Britney Spears this week. Sure she was a hot ass MILF, but he didn't really think her music was all that great. (AN: I LOVE BRITNEY, DON'T THINK THAT PUCK IS A FAN)

"Britney plus nitrous gave me and amazing idea and it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I really want to be on the team," Artie explains.

Puck was happy to have his friend back on the team. Can't say that much for his girlfriend. Rachel was pissed, you could hear it in her voice and she got more annoyed when Santana hit on him. Oh, if Rachel only knew why Santana was attracted to him. But Puck was still confused about the fantasy thing.

"I don't get it. Why is everyone having Britney Spears fantasies?" he questions.

Puck tries to listen to all the big words coming out of Artie's mouth about hallucinogens, vivid dreams, last thoughts. Puck could totally relate to that. Though his thoughts and dreams were of the blond sitting slightly to his left. Puck kinda loses the rest of what Artie says as he looks over at her. Trying to take in every detail about her.

Mr. Schue ruins his thoughts telling them that he doesn't care if they want to perform Britney Spears at the assembly. Puck's fellow Glee Clubbers are excited, well that was until he said that he was going to perform it with them. The room kinda went silent. Puck wasn't sure the club knew what to say. He had performed for the kids before, but to actually perform with them, was something new, different, and all them was unsure of.

At football practice that afternoon, Puck had a little bounce in his step. Mr. Schue had pair him with Quinn for tomorrows perform. He was happy to be able to be close to her, to be able to actually have some kind of contact. And the number their teacher had picked made him even more happy. Having Quinn feeling up on him only made him smile bigger as he thought about it. Tomorrow's assembly couldn't come fast enough.

Britney Spears maybe Puck's new favorite singer. The performance was great. He had forgot how much he has missed her touch. How much he missed just being near her. Did he hear the fire alarm go off, interrupting his thoughts of the girl standing next to him. He watched in awe of the frantic mob, running out of the gym.

"What the hell happen?" he heard Quinn ask him.

All he could do was shrug, but he was pretty sure that it had to do with Sue. Everything that was miss in Glee Club was always Sue's fault. Everyone standing on stage was not even sure what was going on. Something always seemed to happen to screw a performance.

Puck was happy that she had talked to him. It was a start. Leaving the gym, walking behind her, he had to say something.

"Quinn," he slowly begins.

She turns around hold her hand up, stopping him from continuing on, "Puck, who are we fooling. There is no future for us. We both want different things. I can't give you what you want, and you can't give me what I want. So let's just leave last year and all those emotions where they belong." She pauses. "In the past."

"But Quinn, I don't see it that way. You are the only one..." She doesn't let him finish, instead leaves to change out of her costume.

Puck shakes his head, trying to figure out is she really believed everything that she said or if she was just too scared to admit what she felt for him.

On his way to class later that day, he saw her talking to Finn about getting back together. Did she really mean that? He continued to walk down the hall and stopped to watch the conversation play out. He watched Finn tell her that he still had feelings for her but there was someone else in his life. Puck kinda smiled, not because of that hurt look on her face but because he knew that Finn was not really a threat.

In Glee club, he couldn't look at her so he sat directly in front of her. Hopefully his presence in front of her would maybe make her think of what she said to him earlier in the gym. He didn't want things to be this way, not with her, but she just kept pushing him farther away and he really wasn't sure why.

Rachel was standing up in front of the class rambling on about how much the was sorry about smothering Finn and about letting him fly free, leaving it open for Brittany to ask if Finn could fly. Puck shakes his head in awe of her intelligence. But the song that Rachel sings really hits Puck's heart. Makes him think about everything he had with Quinn and how badly he knew he screws up last year. How hard he tried to fix and show Quinn that he could be a wonderful father to their baby. All of his efforts seem to be for nothing. She didn't care that all of this was hurting him, just as much as it was probably hurting her. Beth was a part of both of them, she wasn't just hers.

The only exception, Puck realizes that Quinn is the only exception to every rule in his life. That no matter how many rules he had on the his life when it came to girls, sex, relationships, love...she was the one he was willing to break every single one for. As Rachel sings, he take in every word that crazy midget sings and slowly turns to the only girl in the world that he made exceptions for. She looked at him and he could see it in her eyes that she was lost. She didn't know what she wanted, but he knew she was going to try to find it without him, which made his heart ache just a little more.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:Thanks to all my readers. This one was probably my hardest to write. Maybe cause it tugged a little at my heart. I think this episode was the hardest to watch, cause of my beliefs. But I bit the bullet and I did my best. Also...it looks like when I post, my page breaks aren't being posted srry about that. Please let me know what you think. The next two Chapters(episodes) I'm not sure how to do them, cause Puck(Mark) wasn't in them. So Maybe I will just do one chapter. Then come back to NEVER BEEN KISSED. Thanks again. Tell me what you think. NO matter what though I will keep posting. LOVE YOU READERS. I don't own GLEE!**

Puck sighs as he thinks back over the past week of school. It started off well, with winning their first football game, but after that not so much. So much had gone on with Glee Club, with Kurt, with Finn, with Quinn. He couldn't believe that he had actually spent some time with his Nana, to get away from all the craziness at home. He tries to think back to when the whole craziness started and he realized it was the day that Finn decided to tell the group about his new discovery.

"Mr. Schue, I have something to say." Puck watches has his friend stands up and walks to the place next to the piano. "Something happened to me, and I can't really get into it, but it's shaking me to my core."

Puck shakes his head, "Oh my God, he is coming out." He was obviously joking but, what Finn said next kinda made Puck wish that he was.

"Yes, there is a man that had recently come into my life." Puck could see that Kurt was a little concerned. Everyone knows that Kurt has had a crush on Finn for awhile. "And that man, is Jesus Christ."

"That's way worse," Puck expresses knowing that was what half of the group was thinking, well all but the blond that sat a few feet from him.

She was smiling as Finn continued to talk about spending the week paying tribute to his new found love for Jesus. Kurt didn't seem to happy about it, and he was right about some of the stuff he said. But Mercedes and Quinn loved the idea. Puck listens as she talks about how she turned to God the past year, only to have Santana make a disgusting comment about their baby. That pissed him off. Mr. Schue went on to say something about singing songs about spirituality. Puck had to roll his eyes, really?

"You have a problem with Jesus?" Finn shoots towards his friend.

Puck shakes his head, "Oh, I have no problem with the guy. I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He is my number one Heb. What I don't like seeing is people using J-money to cramp everybody else's style. Cause it seems to me that true spirituality or whatever you want to call it, is about enjoying the life that you been given. I mean, I see God every time I make out with a new chick." Okay, Puck was pretty sure that is not the way to try and get her back, but sometimes he doesn't think before he speaks.

"Okay...ok...that doesn't make any sense, in fact...it's stupid," his Jewish friend informs him.

Puck scoffs, "Are you calling Mr. Billy Joel stupid?" He had been thinking of a song to maybe sing in class for a while. Something that expressed so much about him, about Quinn, about maybe about what he felt about their situation. She thought the only reason he wanted to be together had to do with sex. Well that was part of the reason, he was the one to take her virginity, he was the one who loved her, he was the one who gave her a baby girl, whether she had kept Beth or not.

He was happy that she was smiling. He was happy to surprise her when singing to her. He was a complete surprised by the fact that she did her own little dance for him. Maybe this is was the break that he needed. Maybe this was his open door and he prayed that she wouldn't shut it.

He had tried to talk to her the next day on the way to Glee Club, but he could tell that she was distracted. He knew that he didn't have to do with him. They had all found out that Kurt's father was in the hospital and it didn't look good. He didn't even know what he would say to Kurt if he got the chance. Entering the choir room they all saw him sitting there. He looked numb, lost, but Puck knew he wasn't the best person in any situation like this. He was facing his own situation and he didn't even know how to deal with that. He was surprised at how everyone was supportive of Kurt though. Even Santana and Brittany were giving Kurt his sympathy. Puck noticed Finn enter the choir room upset. Did Finn not know? He thought they all knew. As he watches Finn blow up on Kurt about not telling him, he thinks that maybe he should share with Finn what is going on with him. They were best friends, used to tell each other everything. But sometimes it was really awkward, Quinn still hung over their relationship. Maybe telling him how he felt would make it better though, he was with crazy midget girl, so maybe.

Puck looks over and sees Mercedes talking about wanting to sing to Kurt how she felt. He heart smiles(was that even possible) as he watches his blond walk to the front of the class to help Mercedes with her song to Kurt. Is it weird that in the short time that she sings that he can only hear her voice. The song was very powerful, but the words that Kurt expresses after Puck seem to think they were stronger and not in a good way.

"I don't believe in God!" Kurt expresses trying to hold back his tears

Was this true? How could he not. Though Puck wasn't the follower of everything that he knew God wanted him to do(Yes, he knew the rules), he still believed.

"You all have professed your believes, I'm just stating mine. I think God is like Santa Claus for adults," Kurt expresses to the club.

Puck's head is spinning listening to Kurt express how he felt towards God. He felt bad for him, not having something to believe in, not having faith in something, not having something to lean on when there was nothing on this earth that you could. Kinda the way he felt right now without Quinn and Beth. He could see Quinn getting angry. The months that she stayed with him he caught her praying many times. Asking God for guidance in decisions, in life, in relationships, about Beth. He knew Kurt talking about not believing in God probably was hard for Quinn to listen to. He thinks it's probably hard for everyone to listen to it. Their friend (Yes, Kurt was a friend, he hadn't really admitted out loud, but they had become really close last year)was hurting and he didn't want any of their prayers. What were they to do?

Puck finds himself later that night at Temple with his Nana. He had told her about Kurt, about the fact that his father wasn't doing so well. He talked about Kurt not believing in God and his Nana told him to just pray for him. That is was the best thing for Kurt, whether he wanted them or not. He knew how Kurt felt. Not having a father around was kinda the story of his life. He spent the night at her house after talking to her some more about Kurt and how he was trying to deal with Quinn. She didn't say anything, she just listen. Something he really loved about her. He could tell her anything, unlike his mom, who would have told him that Quinn was not the woman for him and that he should be focusing on trying to find a nice Jewish girl. He rolled his eyes at the thought of the conversation.

Puck had to laugh as Finn kept going on and on about feeling up Berry. He talked like it was the best thing in the world, which kinda made Puck why? He felt her up a couple times while they made out, during the period while they dated, which wasn't that big of deal. Puck knew that Santana had taken Finn's v-card last year, while Rachel was with that Jesse kid. So he was pretty sure that he had seen boobs and touched them before, but he figures Finn being Finn it was better that it was Rachel cause he was in love with her.

Walking into Glee club later that day, you could feel the tension. Nothing had been said, but Puck could tell that Mr. Schue had something to tell them and it wasn't good. Supposedly Coach Sylvester didn't like the lesson plan on spirituality and Kurt helped her make sure that they didn't continue with it. Everyone seemed really upset, especially the fact that he sided with Sue.

"Look Kurt, we are sympathetic to what you are going through, but siding with Ms. Sylvester isn't going to do anybody any good," Mercedes says trying to help Kurt understand what he had done.

"It's doing me some good." Puck turned to look at his fellow glee clubber. "Now, I don't have to sit around and listen to all your mental patients talk about there is a god, when I know there isn't one," Kurt expresses with no emotion.

Puck could tell that he was lost. He needed something to restore his faith in. He prayed a silent pray for Kurt as he made his way to football practice later that day. He makes his way to his locker to grab his helmet, only to find Finn kneeling before a sandwich.

"What are you doing?" Puck questions and startles his friend.

"Nothing." Finn quickly stands up. "Eating." Puck watches his friend become a little nervous. "So I pray before eating now, what's the big deal." He doesn't say anything as he grabs his helmet out of his locker. "You're not going to tell anybody about this are you?" Finn continues.

Puck shakes his head, "No, it's cool." He could see a sense of relief on his friend's face, as he shut his locker. "To tell you the truth, I actually went to Temple with my Nana yesterday. I know it makes me a wuss, but I'm bummed about Kurt's dad." Was he actually tell this to Finn. "Kinda been praying for him. I know how hard it is not to have a father, you know." He could tell that Finn couldn't believe they were having this conversation either. It was probably their first really talk they have had since the whole Baby-gate. "What do you pray for?"

Finn stutters, "Yeah, same stuff."

Puck looks at his friend then looks down at his food, "You burnt you're grilled cheese." Boy that boy couldn't do anything right. Puck also knew he had to get out of there before he told Finn everything else that he had been holding in. About Quinn and about how bad he missed her. He had already shared more than he was comfortable to.

The tension was still pretty thick the next day in Glee club. People were still pretty worried about Kurt, about his father, but Mr Schue did acknowledge something great.

"I know things have been pretty morose around here this past week, but I want to celebrate some good news for our little family." Mr. Schue pauses before going on. "Let's hear it for Finn, on getting back his quarterback job and leading the Titians to a win in their second game of the season." Mr. Schue claps.

"Yeah too bad that Sam kid had to have his arm basically riped off for it to happen," Puck announces. He leans forwards and looks in Finn's direction. "It's good to have you back in the saddle, brother."

Puck really meant it, but Finn didn't look like he was too happy about it. He wondered why. Finn loved being on the football team, he loved being on top. So why did he look like he was about to be sick?

Kurt was standing in front of the class now, thanking everyone for their kind words and things about his dad. He continues on saying that his dad's condition has not change. Puck listens as Kurt goes on to tell the class about how things were when his mom died. Soon his words turn into song.

A beautiful song and as Kurt sang it, he looked to his right at Quinn. She was crying. He wanted to at that moment to reach over and hold her hand, but besides the fact that Mercedes sat in between them and he knew that she would not accept it very well. She kept getting further and further away from him and he knew that he was losing her and it scared him. He swallowed hard has he feels the tears stingy the corner of his eyes. He couldn't show any of them this side of him. This was so hard on his emotions, Kurt and Quinn. He was getting to point of feeling as if he was going to lose it and he didn't know what was going to happen if he did.

The weekend was close at hand and the week had been an emotional train wreck for Puck. But now listening to Finn singing and talk about how he was lost, when at the started of the week he was talking about his new faith in Jesus. He felt everything that his friend was singing. It may not be about losing his faith, but he was losing something. Or more like someone.

Now he stood next to Rachel looking towards the far end of the stage at the girl who meant everything to him. She had may no attempts this week to talk to him or even look at him. They sat on far ends of the choir room, not even acknowledge each others existence. It's like they were strangers to each other. Strangers who shared an incredible night together, whether Quinn wanted to admit it or not. Strangers who made an incredible little girl together. He was beginning to lose all faith of getting her back.

**An:I tried to put a link of Puck performing Only the Good Die young, but it won't show up. SRRY  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:LOVE TO MY READERS. I really think this was some of my best work. I mean for not having much to go on for him for these two episodes! PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. I really would like to know what you think. Thanks. NEVER BEEN KISSED REALLY SOON...maybe tomorrow! DON't OWN GLEE!**

Puck is unsure what led him to that convenient store that night. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Quinn had ignored him for basically the whole first month of school. Her words for last year kept running through his mind. She was might have apologized for calling him a Lima Loser, but he still believed that's the way she looked at him. He didn't think he was ever going to be good enough for Quinn Fabray, Ice Queen of McKinley High.

The past year he had gone through so much and all everyone cared about was her. Sure she was going through changes mentally and physically, but he had tons of things going on in his head too. He couldn't just push them aside like she seemed to be doing. He watched a piece of him leave the day that Shelby took Beth. And Quinn had the rest of him.

If anyone knew what was going on in his head right now. How he was feeling towards the blond head Cheerio, he was sure that they would ask him if he was a girl. He sure felt it some days when he was home alone thinking of home much he missed Quinn and his daughter. A little girl that he would never know, who would wonder why her daddy didn't love her enough to keep her. That is what broke his heart the most. He was sick of feeling these emotions. He was sick of feeling anything.

Puck's actions were something that seemed like a blur. It wasn't till he was being placed in the back of a police car in hand cuffs, that he realized what he had done. His mom's car destroyed. The ATM hanging off the back. Did he really believe that he was going to get away with it? And why did he do it? He tried to close his mind as her face popped in his head. The longer she was the there the more he knew his life was going to be hell. He had to do something. He had to get her out of his head.

His mom was the first to visit him. He really didn't want to hear how disappointed she was in him. He already knew the story. He has heard it most of his life. Whether it was why aren't you dating a Jewish girl or how shouldn't be screwing every chick that he let him. He kept telling her that it wasn't every chick, it was just the hot ones. He thinks about the one he didn't want to hear about. Of course she had to bring up her up. Though he told him mom at the beginning that he was going along with whatever Quinn decided, his mom was upset that she wasn't going to get to have her grand baby around. Beth was half Jewish. His mother was a real piece of work. But even though she was always on him to straighten up his life, he loved her. No matter how badly he screwed up, he knew that she still loved him.

"Noah, I love you." she says to him, before placing a kiss on his forehead then leaving.

He heard the sadness in her voice. He heard it only once before and that was when his father had left them behind. Left them to live in this world alone, without him.

Santana came a couple times. He thinks it's because maybe there might be some conjugal visits. They were both kinda a disappointed that there wasn't. (Quinn understood his relationship with Santana and it wasn't like they were together.) She had informed him of how upset the club was about him being here. They were upset about how he put himself before them.

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't meet their criteria of who they expect me to be!" he yells.

"Still dealing with it aren't you?" she questions, knowing him better than he wanted her to.

He shakes his head, "Trying to leave it behind like her."

"You know, too bad you're in here this week. I think Mr. Schue's assignment for the week might have helped you," Santana informs.

"What?"

"We're doing duets this week." Puck lifts an eyebrow. "Mr. Schue explained it as two voices join to become one. The singers complement each other, push each other to be better," Santana continues to quote their teacher. "Whether you want to believe it or not, she was making you a better person."

Santana was really the only person he could be honest with. They were both the same. She didn't judge him for feeling the way he felt and he didn't judge her for being who she was, whatever that was.

"Do you know who she is singing with?" he asks. Santana smiles. "Like you weren't going to tell me already."

"I don't know, but I think Rachel and Finn are trying to push her to do one with Sam," she answers.

"What, when..."

"He joined a couple days ago," she answers.

He just shook his head. She didn't really know what to say. He looked confused and upset all at the same time. She whispers a good-bye and something about coming to talk to him later in the week before leaving him to his thoughts and emotions.

He was happy to see his Nana. She brought him so food. He missed her. She was great to him the time he spent with her. She talked about how much his mother actually missed him at home. How much his twerp of a sister missed him. He knew he had disappointed them all.

"Are you mad at me?" he questions her before she is about to leave.

"Noah, you are going through some really tough things, more than a teenage boy should. You are trying to find out ways to deal with them. Though driving my way through a convenient store won't be my first choice, it was your choice on dealing with it all. I could never be mad at you, my love for you is much to great," she tells him before he watches the only woman that understood him walk out.

Sometimes he wished his mother was more like his Nana, but he knew that he would probably be in more trouble than he already was, if that was the case.

He was glad that Finn came, but not so much at the same time. After Santana told him about Rachel and him pushing Sam to do a duet with Quinn, he was kinda pissed.

"What the hell, dude?" Puck questions after bring up the subject.

"Listen, Sam needs to find his place in Glee club. He needs to know he fits, so when you get back." Finn's words sounded a little angry. "We will have enough people to compete at Sectionals."

Puck could tell that Finn was keeping something from him, "What aren't you telling me?"

Finn exhales, "It's nothing. Quinn backed out anyway so it doesn't matter.

Puck raises an eyebrow, "There's more."

Finn closes his eyes, "He...may...have...tried to..."

"Tried to what?"

"Kiss her," Finn answers softly. Puck exhales. "Listen, Puck I know about what happened with you and Quinn and the hospital. I know you care about her. But she wants to move on from all the drama last year. Maybe you should just let her go. I know at first hand that it will be hard, but she is trying to, I think it's only fair that you let her."

Puck doesn't say anything as he listens to his friend talk about how they really miss him and to figure out a way to get out of here cause they really need him back at school. Puck nods and soon he is left alone. Was Finn right? Was it best for them both to just go their separate ways and act like the past year didn't happen. He shook his head at the thought. There was no way. There was a reason she backed out and he was hoping that it was because of him.

Santana had returned at the end of the week like she had said, but he could tell as soon as he saw her that there was something wrong. All of suspicions were correct when she starting asking questions about him, instead of being her normal self-conceited self.

"Santana, what's going on?" Santana remained quiet. "Santana!"

Santana was a lot of things. There was a reason that some people called her Satan, but there was no way that she could hurt him. She saw first hand how connected he became to Quinn after finding out about the baby. Mercedes thinks she was the first one to know about it. Though the _benefits _were great for the both of them, it was always good to have someone around to talk to about things that they were going through. How was she going to tell him what had happened today in class.

"SANTANA!" he yells, bringing her back to the visiting room at the Juvenile Hall.

Santana takes deep breathe, "I'm sorry, but I think...it's time to move on, Noah."

Puck raises an eyebrow. There are select few people that call him buy his first name, and she usually wasn't one of them unless they were talking about some really deep stuff.

"San?"

"She did the duet with Sam. They looked kinda of..." she skipped the details. "Mr. Schue made it into a Duets competition. They won a dinner to Breadstix."

Santana waited for his response, but there wasn't any. It scared her that she didn't see any emotions. It was like her one sentence took everything he was feeling away.

"I'm sorry," she says.

Puck is unsure of what to do or say. He figures that Santana is only staying there out of the fact that she was worried about him. He didn't say anything the rest of the time she was there. Finally when the guard told them that time was up, he felt her place a soft kiss on his temple before leaving. What was he to do know. What was he to feel? He did only thing he could. Close his heart, start begin the person he was before Quinn Fabray.

That night he asks someone to help shave his head back to his signature look. The mo-hawk was back. Shortly after that he started lifting weights to build back up to the bad-ass he was before Quinn. He wasn't going to let her know how much this thing with Sam was actually bothering him. He was building up his walls so when he saw her the first time after getting out of here, he wouldn't cry like a little girl.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I want to let my readers know that I am not dead that I am working on NEVER BEEN KISSED. I have been busy with school and kids and life. But trying to get a couple chapters/episodes. SrRY i have left you**

**I am not dead :)  
**


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